


Meddle

by crixa



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, I guess there's some Dave/Terezi but they won't be a major couple, Karkat Swearing, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, This is dead Im never finishing it sorry, Trans Female Character, and Kanaya has some vague red feelings for Porrim which quickly morph into a more sisterly attitude, there's some ashen Kankat fluff in which Porrim does a little bit of auspisticizing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-17
Updated: 2014-01-24
Packaged: 2018-01-04 23:50:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1087097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crixa/pseuds/crixa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanaya is obnoxiously supportive, often at the expense of herself and with disregard for her own struggles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In an AU where Nepeta listened to Equius. A lot's the same. Nep's alive; Maryam's are trans.

For the longest time, Kanaya hadn’t been okay. Rose knew it. Everyone knew it, even if they’d collectively agreed to turn their heads. But now, with Kanaya’s pale green tears falling onto the hard floor, she couldn’t maintain the disillusioned pretense. Rose inhaled slowly, attempting to summon words that would provide some sort of comfort. She draped her arm around Kanaya’s waist and opened her mouth to speak, but it was not Rose’s voice that broke the silence.  
Kanaya placed her forehead on Rose’s shoulder. “It’s not fair, you know,” she said, “That you get to be you. And I have to be me.” Rose blinked as Kanaya pivoted on her right foot, forcing herself into Rose’s arms. In response, Rose raised her hands, letting them find a suitable placement on the other girl’s hips. Kanaya stood easily a foot taller than Rose, excluding her horns.  
“I won’t pretend as if I understand your dilemma in its entirety,” Rose began hesitantly, her voice muffled by Kanaya’s torso, “but I’m here for you. In whatever form I can possibly occupy, I’ll support you.” Kanaya seemed to relax at this utterance, and Rose allowed her arms to return to her own sides. With the withdrawal of her immediate presence, Kanaya appeared uneasy. Of course, Rose mused, Dave has joked about our co-dependence. She was aware of the ridiculousness their relationship embodied at times, but she also accepted it. They were an item, and that was that.  
Kanaya relocated to the bed, curling her legs underneath her. Rose couldn’t help but admire how elegantly her cochineal skirt folded, even in her apparent despair. “I doubt my own sanity when under these circumstances I find time to worry about such inconsequential issues,” Kanaya groaned.  
From across the room, Rose spoke. Her clear voice sliced through the crisp air. “If I had to hazard an estimate, I’d place you in the lead for mental stability.” She chuckled. “Your internal turmoil will always be perfectly valid, regardless of any outside occurrences.”  
Kanaya swept the back of her hand across her cheek, removing any evidence of the tears which had fallen not minutes before. “Rose, I just need you to listen.” She looked down at her hands before continuing. They rested limply in her lap, cantaloupe-colored, angular nails and all. She tapped the tips of her fingers together and exhaled quietly. Rose had materialized at Kanaya’s side, much like she always managed to when she was needed. She sat beside her on the bed and waited for her monologue to ensue.  
“I don’t know how well I can cope with this,” Kanaya began. “The dysphoric moments, I mean. They continue to grow in severity and frequency. It’s entirely unacceptable. I should be able to handle this. After all that has happened, this should be a minor concern for me. And yet,” she paused, “I have somehow found a way to make it the greatest.” Each word was said as if it had been individually selected for its purpose in the sentence. Her singing alto voice accentuated every syllable of every word. Rose slid her right hand into Kanaya’s grip without a word and rested her left on Kanaya’s respective shoulder.  
“I just wish I had more people to talk to. After,” she chose her next words cautiously, more for her sake than Rose’s, “after what happened to Vriska, there is no one but you with whom I can discuss these matters.” Kanaya gently squeezed Rose’s hand and turned to make eye contact. “That is not to say that I don’t appreciate your audience. Because I do. More than you know. And you should know that I do worry about you. I’ll be here if you need to talk about anything at all.”  
Rose was still and silent for a moment. This brief period of time was all Rose needed to realize that Kanaya had deliberately cut her speech short. She has no faith in my counseling abilities, was the only thought occupying her mind, but she did not say this aloud. “I expected to hear more from you.”  
“No, that’s all.”   
Rose sighed. Occasionally, Kanaya would request her aid, but on even rarer instances would she divulge anything of psychological value. She was growing rather fond of the situation, although it annoyed her at times. It presented something of a challenge. A game, even. “If you ever feel compelled to receive a thorough dissection of your inner thoughts,” Rose began jokingly. She was not afraid to poke fun of her interests or behavior. “I’m your girl.” She winked at Kanaya before realizing that she had inadvertently precluded any potential furthering of the conversation. Rose stood and straightened her clothes. “I’ll see you,” she mumbled, before exiting the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Kanaya was left on her own in a room notably colder than she had previously realized. She gripped a portion of her skirt and fiddled nervously with it. You need to reclaim your mind, Kanaya, her thoughts echoed. She would freely admit it to herself; sometimes she did miss having her lusus to complain to. Quite frequently, in fact.  
She missed a lot of people. So many lives had been lost, but it had been necessary. Hadn’t it? She frowned, doubting the sensibility in slaying Eridan. At the time, there didn’t exist a single doubt in her mind that she needed to return his actions to him, but now she was positive he could have changed. “Whatever,” she whispered nostalgically to the vacant room, recalling her many conversations with the seadweller. He had been lonely, perhaps, and misled. Deluded and cynical. But he had not been an overall bad kid, if one could overlook the threats of genocide. Kanaya shook her head. Those thoughts are not legitimate anyway, she told herself. They couldn’t be.  
She couldn’t help but blame herself for not auspisticizing between him and Vriska. Maybe they would both be alive if she’d set her personal feelings aside for a moment. Kanaya hugged her knees and buried her face into her skirt. That relationship was irrelevant anyway. Vriska was killed as a result of her own actions; actions that an auspistice couldn’t just undo. She probably wouldn’t have been able to stop her from killing Tavros even if she had been less concerned with herself whilst auspisticizing them. The importance of such trains of thought is questionable, she internally chastised. She expelled the ideas from her mind. It was pointless to over-complicate the lives of the deceased. At any rate, she needed to consider what she had told Rose. Luckily she had shut down the attempt at openness before it grew out of hand.  
Rose, of course, was well aware that she had not been born into the body she now possessed. At only a sweep old, Kanaya had transitioned into her current life as a female. This was not uncommon amongst trolls, although it wasn’t something she wanted to flaunt. The knowledge seemed to complicate relationships beyond what was necessary. Aside from this, Rose had informed her that in human culture there existed a stigma around diversion from birth sex. She seemed to fear Dave’s potential reaction to the information, if Kanaya did decide to divulge it  
But this was not why she remained secretive about it. The revelation would burden the others, and it was for their own good that she hid it. Rose only knew out of necessity. That was what she told herself. She wouldn’t purposefully place the weight of her problems on her matesprit’s shoulders, would she?  
Of course not. She wouldn’t be that selfish under any imaginable circumstances. She continued to reassure herself that she had no choice but let Rose know, all the while knowing the extremity of the lie. Kanaya sighed from jade lips.  
She had caved. She couldn’t handle it on her own, and she relented in telling Rose. Now, Rose was very supportive, and she did seem to care about any inner doubts or issues she was dealing with. She was always curious about these things, sometimes to the point of invasiveness. Kanaya brushed her hair from her face. It was a professional concern as well as a personal one (if Rose’s mock therapy sessions could be dubbed “professional”), and she knew that. Her efforts were admirable, even appreciated, but Kanaya could never bring herself to disclose anything more. Other than general concepts, her matesprit was kept in the dark.  
It tortured Rose. She agonised for hours upon hours over possible reasons for Kanaya’s secrecy. Generally, she would conclude she didn’t trust her. Kanaya would assure her this was not the case, but it only because a vicious, never ending cycle of doubt and frustration with the other and themselves.  
Yet, Kanaya could not tell her. The guilt for doing so would be far too great, however irrational. And she hated that.


	3. Chapter 3

“Man, don’t take it too badly. I’d make fun of you even if you and that damn cat chick weren’t so obviously flushed into goddamn oblivion,” Dave said. Karkat never liked anyone taking jabs at Nepeta, and even he was a bit lax with the insults while talking to her.  
“I’ll take it however I fucking want to take it. And you can shut your bulgesucking protein chute, because that’s all I’ve got to say to you, asshole.” Karkat’s voice broke as he finished the sentence, and he rested his palm against his forehead.  
Rose swept into the room. Her yellow garments fluttered behind her as she reached on top of a cabinet, producing a bottle vodka. She turned around, her eyes widening with the sudden realisation that she wasn’t alone.“I hope I haven’t interrupted anything of importance,” she said.  
Dave didn’t seem to acknowledge the statement. “Are you really going to do this again?” he questioned, gesturing at the bottle.  
“It seemed the most logical course of action.”  
“Fuck me if it is, Lalonde. What happened? Cough it up.”  
Rose grumbled, placing the alcohol on the table and sitting down. “Kanaya is infinitely more skilled than myself at avoiding questions. If I wish to ask her anything, I must break down nonsensical barriers only to eventually find myself confronting some form of effectively impenetrable wall.”  
Dave glanced at Karkat, who took this as an invitation to speak. “Okay, listen up, because I’m only going to say this once.” He said the following words disjointedly and more loudly than even his natural tone. “She’s not going to open up to anyone.”  
Rose shifted her gaze away from the shouting troll. “The evidence currently available to us would agree with you. However, I didn’t need a reprise of things of which I am already well-aware.”  
A groan escaped Karkat’s mouth. “No, ignoramus. You’re not going to get anything out of her if you give up and decide to come down some fucking human soporific or whatever the hell it’s called. What in the taintchafing fuck made you think that would make her trust you? She’s not a fucking irrational drunkard like you, so maybe you should consider upping your shitty efforts and at least put some of your time into not completely failing at matespritship.”  
Rose glanced at the bottle sitting on the table before reaching for it. “How would one go about that?” she mumbled, turning the glass reservoir to view the words on it.  
“Oh, man. Rose, do not let this guy get started about romantic shit. I swear, he can go on for hours,” interjected Dave.  
“Fuck off, Strider. We both know you’re fucking green with it over my potential for quadrant-related success.”  
“You say potential like there’s someone besides your sweater-clad genetic father-son who wants to talk to you.”  
“You’re pretty cocky for an insecure, insufferable prick who can’t handle his matesprit filling her other fucking quadrants.”  
“Whoa, want to know something you can do other than bring Terezi into this? Go fuck yourself.” Dave adjusted his sunglasses. “Besides, you’re derailing us from some quality psychoanalysis of Rose’s crippling addiction.”  
Rose smirked. “Despite your beliefs, I find observation of interactions between the two of you amusing at the least. If nothing else, it serves to brighten my day,” she remarked. “Although, Karkat, I feel I should remind you that Dave isn’t currently in known for the best history in dealing with black romantic affairs. You stated this yourself even as you parried his verbal attacks.”  
“Hold it, dude. I don’t want none of the kismesis shit. You can cancel the hate dates, because that is not happening.”  
Karkat’s eyebrows twitched in anger. “I don’t want a kismesissitude with some douche in shades, okay? Lalonde, mind your own fucking business, because I’m clearly more qualified in this particular subject than either of you humans. That’s fucking that. I don’t want any more passive-aggressive hints at any goddamn romantic advances you think I’m spewing in Strider’s general direction. Because that’s not fucking happening, and if it was, maybe, just maybe, I’d know about it.” Karkat glared at Rose, but she was unphased. By now she’d grown accustomed to this sort of reaction.  
“If you insist,” she said, still smiling faintly.  
Dave continued the conversation. “So, are we not going to talk about how Dr. Lalonde P.h.D. over here just tried to deal with her alien girlfriend being a little tight-lipped by getting drunk?”  
“It isn’t as if this is the first occurrence. Kanaya is consistently unforthcoming, even if I humor her with the revelation of my own closeted skeletons. My behavior was the cumulative resultant of months of faulty and sparse communication on Kanaya’s part.”  
“In that case, continue. Why would I give a single horn fondling fuck that you intend to drink this shit straight out of the bottle? You’ve got a reasonably miserable sob story to back it up,” Karkat snapped.  
“Karkat’s got a point,” Dave said. “I’m not usually one to back him up, but you can’t just go off chugging vodka whenever you get a little bit fed up with the way your relationship’s going, you know? Like, I could have sat up here and been a whiny little girl about TZ dating a moderately psychotic juggalo on the side,” here Karkat scoffed at the resurfacing of her name, “but I didn’t. Like, you just gotta tell her what you need. ‘Yo, Kan, I have this sick therapist shit going on, and I need to diagnose you with something,’ or whatever. And then if she won’t talk to you, then you just go all Karkat and don’t shut up until she caves.”  
“Would you just piss off?” Karkat mumbled. He clearly wanted to speak more but didn’t want to prove Dave right.  
Dave simply clapped a hand on Karkat’s shoulder. “Absolutely not.”  
The troll sighed and pretended not to care. “Okay, nookwipe, what’s going on with Kanaya?” This was directed at Rose, who was turning the bottle of vodka over in her hands.  
“I don’t feel at liberty to release that information. She may inform you if you inquire personally.” She slowly unscrewed the cap on the bottle, making ashamed eye contact with Dave through his shades. Without even seeing his crimson eyes, she knew he was watching, judging. “Sorry.”  
Dave crossed his arms as Rose lifted the bottle to her mouth. “Maybe you should go talk to Kanaya,” he said to Karkat.


	4. Chapter 4

“Here’s what I will admit,” Kanaya said pensively. “I’ll tell you that it isn’t something with which you necessarily should concern yourself.” She smiled slightly, almost imperceptibly, and yet her eyes reveal how steadfast in her decision she intended to remain.  
Karkat stood facing her in the room. It was a barren location, but none of the spaces on the meteor were what one would call welcoming. He sighed and unfolded his crossed arms. Kanaya mentally prepared for the wild gesticulations which would indubiously accompany the inevitable upcoming spiel.  
The young troll’s voice cracked sporadically as he began. “Listen, I know you’re just as fucking stubborn as that bulgesucker you call a matesprit,” Kanaya groaned at the insult, “but I’m going to ask you to hear me out. No matter how goddamn capable that you’ve got it in your convoluted thinkpan you are, Lalonde’s fucking worried about you.” Karkat’s voice grew in strength, gaining confidence as he continued. “And a lot of the rest of the barely competent assholes here would go up in mother fucking flames if they knew you were over here acting like you’re above whatever shit is clearly getting to you. I’m not going to pretend to know what the hell you’re hiding from me, because Rose just clammed the fuck up. Maybe she doesn’t even know. I’m not well-versed in her stupid fucking idiosyncrasies. Remind me to ask you for a fucking crash course in why humans should just go fuck themselves later. Whatever the case, it was fucking ridiculous that she suggested I come talk to you.”  
“Karkat, that’s enough,” Kanaya said as forcefully as she dared. Even if he wasn’t being the most courteous of anyone involved, she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.  
“I’m not fucking done. All I really wanted to get through your thick skull is that I’m right fucking here if you want to talk. I’m sure any other douchebag would gladly fall victim to your stupid jadeblooded secrets, but we used to be best fucking friends, you know? I just wish you’d talk to me more than one in a goddamn sweep. Fuck, you didn’t even want my fucking help, so I don’t know why I’m acting like I’m needed here. This was all Lalonde’s fault.” He slammed his palm against his fore. “Whatever. I’ll just fucking leave.”  
Kanaya noted his shoulders slump as he turned. He wasn’t wrong. In the past, she’d contemplated proposing a moirallegiance with Karkat, although she now doubted the authenticity of the pale feelings she had believed she harbored. Regardless, they were friends, and she didn’t want to lose him as such.  
“Karkat, please don’t view my withholding of information as a gesture of ill will. There are simply some things that I cannot feel comfortable disclosing to anyone,” Kanaya assured. Perhaps it was too late to mend this friendship. After nearly two years spent off with her quadrantmate, ignoring practically every other sapient being on the meteor, of course he felt betrayed. “This is just one of those things.”  
He spun around. For someone so small, he could appear extremely intimidating when irritated. His upper lip curled upwards in hostility, but his voice was shockingly quiet. For someone who so frequently shouted, this was a drastic change. “I don’t care. I actually could not give one shitspewing fuck anymore. Either tell me or don’t, and don’t think I’ll get up in arms if you decide hiding shit from me is the best possible move given these shitty fucking circumstances. Because I won’t! It’s not like this is something that would be, I don’t know, relevant to my fucking life! Why would it? Maybe you’re over-estimating the amount of importance I place on knowing what’s going on with you.” Karkat crossed his arms and turned his eyes down at the floor.  
Kanaya only stared before finally speaking, “If it would be some form of recompense, I could reveal this to you.” She understood why he felt this way. She would be upset too, were she in his place.  
“Don’t fucking bother,” he said, turning on his heel. “I don’t need you confiding in me out of some twisted form of pity you can’t fucking help but feel. I’d welcome a gesture of sincerity with the most open arms you’ve ever fucking laid eyes on, but don’t think I’m pathetic enough to need you to open up for no reason other than to keep me from losing my goddamn shit. Because everything here is fucking together. Look at how fucking collected I am!” He threw his hands in the air as he walked toward the door. “Fucking Strider-esque levels of cool.”  
Kanaya quietly approached him, resting a hand gently on his shoulder. “Perhaps I am not one to speak here, but is there any particular reason you feel so offended by my persistence in not telling you?”  
He stared at the wall in front of himself. She knew the answer. What kind of question was that?  
“I would like to offer an apology. That was uncalled-for.”  
Karkat twisted away, stomping out of the room. Kanaya slowly lowered her arm back to her side. She sighed at her own poor judgement of the situation and slowly sat on the ground.  
Outside the room, Karkat turned a corner with reckless haste, nearly colliding with an awaiting Rose. “Well?” she demanded. He wrinkled his forehead at her.  
“Take a fucking guess,” he barked, continuing past her without furthering the conversation. He didn’t know where he was going, only that he didn’t want to deal with anyone else for an extended period of time. Some obscure room would probably do. Rose shouted something down the hall at him, but he was too flustered to begin processing the words.  
A stairwell came into view. After frantically climbing the first section of stairs to the landing, Karkat slammed his back into a corner and slid melodramatically down a wall. Even doing so, he knew he was over-reacting. Kanaya had been willing to speak to him, and he blew it because of his own emotions. He clacked his jaw together, teeth slipping and nicking his tongue. Cherry blood leaked into his mouth from the wound. It stung. The troll spat the blood on the ground beside him before slamming his forehead against his knees.  
“I fucked up.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time-related shit from the previous chapter to this one is kind of fucked up, so I'll just clear it up here. I really should reorder it or do something to not make it as blatant bullfuckery as it currently is, but being the lazy shitsponge that I am, that's not going to happen at least until I've got the next three or four parts written. Because they're pretty damn fun to write.  
> Now, this chapter's going to be happening at the same time the past chapter with Karkat and Kanaya - Can I get a fucking hell yeah for the alliterative qualities so intrinsically embedded there? - and Rose running into a melodramatic Vantas aligns with the end of the chapter. So, imagine these two are overlapped. My apologies for not pulling a what's-it's-fuck post-trickster mode double panel/chapter deal. I hear it's highly dangerous.

“Listen up, Lalonde,” Dave began. Under his shades, his eyebrows wrinkled. “You can’t just do this. I get it if you’re going to complain about shit, but you’re turning into your fucking mom.” He made no move to retrieve the bottle from which Rose was now drinking.  
She downed the vodka hesitantly, in small sips. “Her absence necessitates a replacement.”  
“That’s not what this is about. You’re kidding yourself if you try to pass that bullshit off as the truth. Put that junk away.”  
Rose set the bottle on the table heavily and turned her eyes upward to look at Dave. She attempted to bore through his sunglasses with mere thoughts to no avail. Glancing at the liquid sloshing around in the transparent bottle, she noted the minimal amount of alcohol she had consumed. “Although I understand your concern, I feel as if I should remind you just who this behavior affects.”  
“What do you mean who it affects? It affects everyone on this goddamn meteor when you’re drunk off your ass.” Dave frowned. “So, thanks for the reminder.” He sat at the opposite end of the table. “Listen, I don’t have any particular inclination to host some lame-ass one-on-one intervention. I just sort of want you to be able to make these decisions for yourself, Rose. I get it. It’s stressful dealing with the grey aliens. The amount of sympathy I’ve got for you is so real it’s almost fucking tangible. I could lay out my condolences right in front of me. But I won’t because they’re pretty nasty and look a bit like Vantas-colored pudding.” Dave shook his head. "That's not the point. The point is you gotta get it together."  
"I fully plan on collecting the entirety of it."   
“Oh, man. I can’t even handle your snark. Lay off, Lalonde. And then take me to a goddamn hospital. The burn ward’s got a new patient. That patient is me. Do you have any aloe vera? I need to nurse my wounds,” Dave snapped, rolling his eyes beneath his shades.  
Rose chewed her lip absently. “I suppose you’re correct. It was rash and irresponsible of me.” She sighed. “I’m sorry.”  
Dave parted his lips in slight surprise, but quickly corrected the show of emotion. “Yeah.”  
They stared at each other for a few moments, each unable to determine whose turn to reply it was. Finally, Dave spoke. “Normally, I’d tell you to go fix this shit with your girlfriend right away, but considering that I’m not really the main man on these sort of things and that the aforementioned go-to guy’s currently on the case of the cagey jadeblood, I’m just gonna say sit it out. Like, maybe go wait for whatever news he’s got. Hell, do whatever you want. Who am I to stop you? You could go barge in and punch Vantas in the face for all I care. Whatever you think is gonna be best in this particular situation.”  
“Your advice is likely as reliable as my own decision in this circumstance. Kanaya has expressed a desire to rebuild her friendship with Karkat, and to let them do just that is probably the most reasonable thing I could do given my completely useless current state.”  
“Nah, man. You’re not useless and don’t start pulling that shit on me, because I’m not about to slop any quadrant shit in your direction. Not that we’d need to be in a quadrant or whatever, because that one’s fucked up anyway. Damn, Karkat’s got me paranoid as hell about this.” By his final words, he was mumbling incoherently. Dave raised his voice and restarted. “Just don’t start hating yourself or whatever.”  
Rose wrinkled the corners of her eyes in amusement. “No, my previous statement was completely accurate. I’m clearly compromised emotionally, and I’m in no condition to provide moral support to anyone, let alone Kanaya.”  
Dave contemplated this before nodding once. “Yeah, I guess if anyone knows what’s up here, it’s gonna be you. What’s Kanaya’s deal anyway?”  
“I don’t think she would appreciate me revealing it, but the urge to do so is overwhelming. It’s rather difficult attempting to support someone with such a large secret.” Rose sighed. She was beginning to feel mild effects of the alcohol. She studied the bottle to guess how much she’d drank, but to no avail. It didn’t look like much.  
“Listen, you don’t gotta tell me or whatever. I don’t wanna screw you over here at all, you know?”  
Rose sighed and opened her mouth to speak. “You would not be at fault if I did open up to you. It’s not that big of a deal, really, given the state of our two universes. You see -”  
Terezi’s voice echoed in the chamber. “What are we talking about?” she grinned. “Some sort of secret ecto-sibling convention?”  
“Yo, TZ. I was just hitting up Rose about her sick relationship issues. I think we’re wrapping it up, though. Whatcha need?” Dave said.  
“We’ve got a dream bubble coming up soon. Leijon says it’s going to be,” she laughed, “purrfectly splendid.”  
Rose stood. “Fantastic. I’ll inform Karkat and Kanaya.”  
Dave eyed her through his glasses. “You got this?”  
“I have this,” she said, striding out of the room. Her heels scuffed suspiciously with each step.  
Terezi glanced at Dave. “Was she drunk?”  
“Yeah,” he said, grabbing her hand. “She seems pretty damn confident, though. We’ll just let her do her thing, alright? She’ll get enough shit from Kanaya.”  
Terezi cackled. “Oh, man. She’s in deep. What’d she do that for?”  
“Hell if I know. You know I’m not good with those things. Chicks and shit. They’re crazy.”  
Terezi swung her fist lightly at his arm. “Watch it, cool kid.”


	6. Chapter 6.1

Karkat sighed. He had intended to speak to Porrim, and unfortunately she was accompanied by Kankri. He wasn’t surprised, but he’d hoped for her to be alone. He slowly approached them, watching Kankri with one eye. He would not get stuck in another oration with Kankri fucking Vantas. Not this time. There were actually relevant things that needed to be addressed.  
“Oh, Karkat. How lovely that you decided to visit us. I’m glad you did. I’ve taken the liberty of setting up a strict flow of discussion for our conversation. I’m sure you’ll appreciate the beauty of a well-organised lecture.” Kankri caught him. Karkat shot a helpless glance at Porrim, who smiled back.  
 _What game is she fucking playing at?_ he thought.  
“I thought we’d begin our discussion with the topic of hemophobia in modern Beforus and how your experiences on Alternia differed from mine. I’m sure these subjects will we something with which we both can relate, especially taking into account our nearly identical blood colors.”  
“Hey, Kanny,” Porrim hummed, “maybe you should let the kid get a word in.”  
 _Oh, do I get to talk about this now? It’s like Twelfth Perigrees._ “Maryam is right. It’s my turn to talk now.” Kankri appeared stunned and betrayed by Porrim’s addition. “Firstly, Alternia and Beforus were so fucking different, they’re hardly comparable. You’d have to have an aggravation sponge skewed beyond all reasonable levels to suggest something like that, and it fucking figures that you’d be the one to do it. Secondly, that’s not even what I wanted to talk about. In fact, I don’t even want to talk to you, because you’re a useless waste of my time, not to mention a fucking piece of red-woolen shit. Porrim, I needed your advice. Now, I don’t particularly care if this asshole wants to stage some sort of fucking conversational sit-in, but he’s got to keep his nubby-horned trap shut.” Karkat didn’t look at Kankri as he said this. He was absolutely fuming at his dancestor, yet refused to let that become the topic of discussion.  
“Now, Karkat, I hardly think it’s appropriate to comment on something as insignificant as my horn size and length, and if you intend to make such remarks I would appreciate a trigger warning. I would also like to draw your attention to the fact that your horns are very similar, perhaps even smaller, than mine, so possibly that was not the most well-thought-out observation you could have voiced. If you’ve finished insulting my speech patterns and my clothing, clothing that Porrim herself made, I would like to continue on with the useful dialogue. As I’m a cultured being who enjoys demonstrating sensitivity to others with triggers, I’d like to get those out of the way now.”  
Porrim sighed. “Kankri, come on. Karkat has a legitimate concern here, and don’t you think it might be a little _triggering_ to display such blatant disregard for his struggles?”  
He crossed his arms and studied Porrim. With a sigh, Kankri concluded, “If you so insist.”  
“Good. Porrim, I know you and Kanaya aren’t the same person, but I can’t help but notice that you’re up there with me and this self-righteous numbskull in similarities. So maybe you’d be able to help me out in a situation as inexplicably shitty as this one. Kanaya’s behavior lately’s been concerning Lalonde, and because they’re both complete fuckheads, neither one of them will let on to what’s happening.” Karkat gestured with his hands frantically, almost comically as he shouted. “And to add to all of that, I fucked up big time with her. I don’t even know why. It was incredibly fucking stupid, and I was really selfish. She told me she was willing to talk, and then I blocked her out.” He folded his arms defensively, unintentionally mimicking his dancestor.  
“Well, Karkat, perhaps if you had been more sensitive to her needs, you wouldn’t have forfeited all chances of a meaningful conversation about that particular topic,” Kankri said with his nasally voice.  
“Would you close your fucking prudent squawk gaper for half a goddamn second? I could care less about your input here.”  
Kankri only pursed his lips in reply. Porrim glanced between the two. Karkat appeared as if he was going to wrap his hands around the elder’s neck given any more provocation, and Kankri was either oblivious or purposefully acting so. Either way, she decided intervention was unnecessary.  
“Thank fucking god,” Karkat screamed, unclenching his fists and swinging his head almost violently to face Porrim. “Anyway, what should I do?”  
“If I don’t know what’s causing Kanaya to act this way, I can’t provide much assistance. But you said her matesprit was not as clueless as you?”  
“Yeah, it was some shit about how she knew what was bothering her, but Kanaya wouldn’t open up.” Karkat waved his hand dismissively before returning his limbs to a folded position in front of his chest.  
Kankri and Porrim exchanged a knowing look at this statement, and Porrim spoke. “Well, I have a hunch about the nature of the situation. I couldn’t really give you any advice if you’re uninformed.”  
“Are you going to fucking inform me?”  
“I’m afraid not.”  
“God damn it! You’re kidding right? Here both of you scumbags are in-the-know and I’m left in the fucking dust once again. Of course! Why would I give a single fuck? It’s not like this is something important to me! I’ll just continue on my nookwhiffing merry way. Who the hell cares? Not me, that’s certain!” Karkat spat as he spoke, raising his hands as if to create a barrier between him and the other two.  
Kankri widened his eyes. “Karkat, there’s no reason to throw a tantrum over something like this. In all honesty, it does not really concern you, so -”  
“Throw a tantrum?” Karkat exploded. “Asshole, you haven’t seen a fucking fit from me yet.” Karkat took a step toward Kankri and was greeted with Porrim’s manicure hand on his shoulder.  
“Do not.” Her words were quiet and unaggressive, yet threatening in an almost motherly fashion.  
Karkat shrugged his shoulder violently, dispelling the physical contact. With a few more steps, he brought himself nose-to-nose with Kankri. He jabbed him in the chest, hard enough to bruise if he hadn’t been wearing that goddamned sweater. “Fuck you, okay? Fuck you.”  
And that was all. He jammed the sole of his shoe into the dirt and spun around. As he stomped away, Porrim called after him. “Karkat, wait.”  
He cut her off there. “Fuck you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking dancestors. I'm not real skilled with the speaking styles of Porrim and Kankri, so excuse me there. At some point in the distant and completely fucking unforeseeable future, I'll probably actually get off my lazy ass, or rather, move my fucking cursor up to the goddamn address bar and just read a decent portion of the Openbound transcript instead of skimming it. But until then, you can enjoy this inaccurate dialogue. The next chapter is my favorite one so far, so hopefully it'll make up for this.


	7. Chapter 6.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out. I absolutely butchered my laptop, and couldn't post this. I'll update with more frequency now, as I actually have quite a bit written.

Glowing blank eyes bore into Rose’s violet ones. A cerulean, perfectly lipsticked smirk formed below them. “You think you’re so high and mighty,” said the girl, teeth glinting menacingly, “but you’re not. You’re no better than any lowblood.” She lingered on each word for a little bit longer than was really necessary and smacked her lips apart with each B she pronounced.  
Rose wrinkled her nose in distaste. “Your own assurance of your superiority prevents you from seeing one simple thing: I am better than you. I’m above any murderous, backstabbing spider girl.” She squinted. “I’m positive.” Rose unintentionally grew closer to the troll throughout this statement. Before she was aware herself, she had clasped her black-painted fingernails around that obnoxious pirate jacket. I’ve done it now, Rose told herself. Her clenched fists shook subtly as she drew the girl in closer. “I hate you, Serket,” she said. Her voice quivered, and Vriska noticed.  
She cackled, sending the words back into Rose’s face. God, she was malicious. She could get under Rose’s skin by merely existing, and she knew it. “Little Lalonde,” she said. Her voice was so composed. So mocking, while Rose trembled in fury. It only served to irk her more. “Is that a caliginous advance I’m hearing? I just can’t catch a break!” The snark dripped from her prominent canines and dribbled down her chin. Rose stood in indecision, unable to decide if she wanted to kiss or slap the words from her poisonous maw. “You wouldn’t be able to handle me.”  
Long ago had Vriska planted the seeds of Rose’s hatred, but now, with the insult of her capabilities, these seeds sprung spontaneously, almost cancerously, into thorny shrubs. Rose pushed the troll away from her. Vriska found herself with her back flush against the cold wall. She grinned wider than she had been previously. So this naive human thought she could even begin to match someone with psychic abilities such as hers? She concentrated on the snarling girl striding toward her, attempting to steal control of her mind. Rose paused for a second, then looked at her incredulously. “Do you truly believe,” she said slowly, stepping toward her with each word, “my will is less than yours?” She pulled her needles from her strife specibus. “In all honesty, did you hope to overpower my mental capacities?” Vriska attempted to scoot backwards, forgetting she was cornered. Her manic expression faltered as she watched Rose palm her needles and grip them with both hands, as if she held a rolling pin. She slid the needles up to Vriska’s throat and hissed, “Consider yourself fortunate you’re already dead.”  
Vriska simply laughed and procured her dice. “You seem to have forgotten something.”  
Rose didn’t move. “If you’d like to play this game, I suggest you roll first,” she muttered.  
A new voice echoed through the halls. “Rose? Where are you? I heard your voice, and you sounded distressed.”  
Vriska’s eyes would have lit up if they weren’t already preoccupied with the ectoplasmal shine death evidently brought. “Looks like Kanaya’s on her way to save you. How heroic,” she sang. Her voice was silky and far too pretentious. Rose gritted her jaw and swung her arm down. She slapped Vriska’s hand and grabbed the dice with her own, quickly captchaloguing them. In the same movement, she released Vriska. Kanaya couldn’t know she had been willingly engaging in black-romantic activities with a previous flushed interest of hers. The troll responded beautifully, leaping on Rose and knocking her to the ground. “Big mistake,” she crooned, squeezing Rose’s arm hard enough to leave a bruise. Rose swung her fist at the other’s cheek, landing a hit. With her asymmetrical horns at least as long as Kanaya’s, the troll towered above her, but this threw her off balance long enough to stall.  
Footsteps tapped on hard floors right outside. Rose tossed her knitting needles behind herself, out of both of their reach. She smiled only slightly. This was going to irritate Vriska beyond all measure. “Rose, are you in here?” Kanaya said to the room. Her final word trailed off, and the last consonant was never fully pronounced. “What is going on?” She eyed the two others. Her matesprit and previous moirail were engaged in what appeared to be some sort of rivalry. Neither one held any weapons.  
“Beat it, fussyfangs.” Vriska’s azure lashes fluttered in annoyance.  
“Kanaya, if it would be at all possible, I would appreciate your assistance. I believe Vriska here may in fact need it also, although she is quite stubborn.” Rose grimaced. The words were so insincere they tasted bitter even in her own mouth.   
Vriska bared her teeth. “I don’t need any fucking meddlesome auspistice getting involved in a perfectly good,” she halted before she said the word, “kismesissitude.”  
“Rose,” Kanaya said. She gawked at them. “Are you truly in spades with Vriska?”  
She looked up at Vriska. Would blatantly lying annoy her? She was already hiding this caliginous courtship from Kanaya. She shut her eyes and tried to block out everything else. That was ridiculous. It would only cause more trouble. Vriska leaped off of her suddenly. “Of course she is.” Vriska walked away as dignified as she could, leaving Rose lying face-up on the ground.  
“Serket,” Rose began, launching the dice from her sylladex and pelting her in the back, “you seem to have forgotten something.”  
She spun around. Rose began heaving in laughter, and Kanaya raised an eyebrow. Vriska mumbled something incoherent and gathered the eight dice clumsily from the ground before fleeing. Kanaya knelt beside the giggling human. “We do need to discuss this.”  
“I can’t imagine there is much to discuss,” sighed Rose, still on the floor.  
“She’s stronger than you. You consistently fail to account for this. If she was not so flighty around me, you could have been hurt.”  
“I had the situation under control.”  
“You did not.”  
“I did before you decided to invade my privacy and barge in.”  
Kanaya opened her mouth to speak, but snapped it shut quickly, jabbing herself in the lip with her two protruding teeth. Jade blood oozed gently into her mouth. “If that’s how you feel about it,” she said simply and incompletely. She stood and exited the room silently.  
Rose stared blankly at the ceiling as she felt her chest rise and fall.  
Great.


	8. Chapter 6.3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a dirty liar who fucking sucks at updating. I'm actually not sure if I want to keep up with this, because it was my first bit of dabbling in fanfiction. I've got a lot better story I'm currently experimenting with, and it's a less shitty/angsty/lame idea (although it's also Homestuck). I've got like one and a half more chapters written here and then I'll turn my precious fucking attention to the other thing.  
> Anyway, here you go, sorry it's so short.

A red skirt scuffed quietly on the stairs, waving back and forth with each step of the wearer. As the the girl reached the penultimate ledge, she gripped the railing and sat down. Kanaya buried her face into her hands, feeling too confused and incapable of grasping the situation to muster tears.  
It really should not have been a noteworthy event. Rose had been courting someone else, filling her quadrants. This was normal and expected. But she had gone behind her back. She had not, presumably still did not, trust Kanaya to support the relationship. Humans. She shook her head.  
Heels clacking could be heard, and Kanaya craned her neck, attempting to locate the intruder. “Kanaya, is that you?” a gentle voice called down the flight of stairs. “You okay?” Porrim’s flowing dress brushed against Kanaya as she found a seat beside her. She turned her head to study the younger twoll. “Want to talk?”  
Kanaya brought her feet up to the same step on which she sat, placing her chin on her knees with the next movement. “It’s nothing worthy of recognition, really. Matesprit problems.”  
Porrim chucked and wrapped an amicable arm around her shoulders to pull her in closer. “If you want to talk, I’m pretty experienced in more concupiscent matters.” Her dark lips curved gracefully skyward.  
If her flushed quadrant resembles my ashen one, I don’t know how helpful she’ll be, Kanaya thought, but didn’t say aloud. “Like I said, it’s nothing really,” Kanaya said, reaching her hand upwards and twirling a lock of her hair. “Rather, too many things placed haphazardly atop one another in an unstable tower that will likely collapse in due time.”  
Porrim squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. “I understand, you know.” The words hung like fog in the air. “We probably have more in common than you think.”  
Kanaya squinted at her dancestor. Was she hinting at something? Her cheeks flushed vaguely in embarrassment. She lowered her gaze back to the floor. “Yeah,” she murmured. “Probably.”  
Porrim shook slightly with silent laughter. “Have I made you uncomfortable?” Kanaya focused her eyes on the floor. She said nothing. “If it’s any consolation, this is not a red solicitation in the slightest. I was simply concerned. Your Vantas spoke to Kanny and I.”  
“What did he divulge?” Kanaya pressed.  
“Only that he was clueless and he felt horrible about blocking you out.”  
Kanaya smiled. “I don’t blame him. I’m equally guilty.” She bit the inside of her cheek with her duller back molars. “Well, his consternations are not particularly relevant to my current mood. What he was referring to is a bit more of a personal matter.”  
Porrim stared at her with bright and warm eyes, inviting her to continue.  
“That is to say,” she paused, “he doesn’t know. In fact, Rose is one of only a pair of sentient organisms that could be considered even vaguely knowledgeable about that particular subject.”  
Porrim tapped her naturally yellow nails on the step below them. “You know, kid,” she began, “Kanny would make me put a trigger warning on this, but I’ll just throw it out there. I was assigned male at wriggling. It’s not exactly a secret around here, especially since I seem to be notorious for some degree of promiscuity.” Porrim looked as if she was going to continue on that thought, but stopped herself. “That’s not the point. I was curious if you were in a similar situation?”  
Kanaya widened her eyes. “Well, yes, I suppose this should not be surprising to me, as the other trolls share genders with their ancestors.” Her voice died down as she finished the sentence. She looked down at her lap. “The is the matter about which Karkat is unaware.”  
“Hiding things will only strain your relationship.”  
“I know.”  
Porrim braced a hand on Kanaya’s leg and stood. “Good talk, kiddo.” She turned and stepped cautiously down the stairs. The younger girl watched her until she was out of view, then placed her head in her hands.  
So, she knew. Did Porrim blame her for anything? She didn’t express any opinion at all. It may be beneficial to confide in Karkat. He had good intentions, even if he did come across as possessing any number of unsavory qualities. She resolved to tell him, reminding herself it would be for the best to mend their friendship.  
And then there was Rose. She would ask about her kismesissitude with Vriska and offer her advice. She would probably be eager to learn the intricacies of the caliginous quadrant. She always was attentive to these things.  
Kanaya smiled. Maybe it would be okay.


End file.
